FYI internet babes, but wedding dress shopping is not what I expected it to be…
1. Omg, literally the moment I’ve been waiting for FOREVER – I’ve been so excited I’ve barely eaten all day.
2. Oh god, I hope I fit in the dress.
3. Google says I’m in for a glass of prosecco at an Edwardian boutique with my very own dress advisor WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!
4. Right, Say Yes To The Dress says to keep an open mind for styles.
5. Open miiiiiiind (not a ballgown) completely open miiiiind (dear lord please no tuille or spaghetti straps).
6. This. Place. Is. Amazing. I’ll just have a look through this rack of dresses right here oh erm hello shop assistant I didn’t realise that you pick them out for me. Great.
7. Sure I have faith in you and I’m sure I’m going to love the dresses you pull (not).
8. Erm, can my mum see how panicked I look right now?
9. OK, OK this is EXACTLY the style I thought I wanted iloveit-iloveit-iloveit.
10. Wait, you need me to take my bra off? Ah, reassuring me you’ve seen tonnes of nipples before really makes me feel better.
11. I’ll just yep, try and cover my nipples as much as I can. Oh shit, need to take my hands off my boobs to actually get in it so not ideal.
12. I hope I fit in the dress.
13. Silence, oh sweet lord you can’t do the buttons up can you?
14. Just say it, just tell me I’m fat. TELL ME I’M FAT.
15. Oh wedding dresses just happen to come up small do they? I’m fairly certain that you’re paid to tell me that otherwise I’ll just end up crying.
16. This. Is. It.
17. I expect tears from the entourage because if there ain’t tears THIS AIN’T THE ONE.
18. I can’t really move in this, gaad damn I’m gonna have to tone down my dramatic reveal.
19. TA-DAAA I’M A BRIDE!
20. No tears. Pensive faces. What the heck does that mean?!
21. Oh you like it, that’s good. What? Oh I’m fiiiiiiine, it’s not like I was expecting a small speech or anything (completely expecting tears and some pre-prepared words at least).
22. Oh, we’re not allowed to take photographs? Erm.
23. Oh no it’s fine y’know, I didn’t want to see the back anyway. Or post a snap on my Instagram stories. It’s fine. Really (really not fine).
24. Omg I so don’t look like the model in this dress, she’s like 957291 times hotter than me.
25. And so skinny too, my arms look like massive slabs of beef in this dress.
26. We’re all good, it’s the first dress we’ll try another one on, we have loads of time.
27. JUST NO.
28. OH HOLY HAGRID. DROWNING IN LACE. PLEASE SEND HELP.
29. Urgh god, I’m just so tired.
30. And hungry.
31. And confused because why does nothing seem to suit my body shape?!
32. Well, this is new – it’s never occurred to me to try this style of dress on but meh, can’t be worse than the last dress anyway.
33. Wait, why do I wanna cry?
34. JACK ME UP JACK ME UP JACK ME UP.
35. The entourage isn’t crying but ain’t no drama, I feel sassy AF in this gown.
36. It’s perfect absolutely perfect I’m going to be so mature and elegant on the day it’s literally going to be the…
37. IT’S HOW MUCH? That’s erm, nearly twice my budget. Cripes.
38. Eh, the entourage has spoken – You can’t put a price on the right dress *sassy hair flick*.
Well, at least that’s what I’m gonna have to tell James tonight because we’ll be surviving on tinned tuna for the rest of the month. How was your dress shopping experience, anything like mine?